Wooo Hooo!!!! Our God is Awesome

So I haven't blogged in awhile. I guess you could say life has been a little busy! But yesterday was perhaps one of the best days of my life! We found out after a long time coming that we are PREGNANT!!!!!! (almost 5 weeks) Oh my...it hasn't quite set in yet! It is all so surreal still! We have prayed so hard and long for this to happen...and God has chosen now! I am soo excited and at the same time at a loss for words! Chris and myself couldn't be more happier! What does this all mean??? I don't know but I am ready for the journey!!! I will say that as we always know and pray for God's timing this he knows what he is doing. I am soo excited about all the good normal pregnancy stuff to be excited about but the one thing is that Chris and I continue to grow together! Our prayers to God have increased and I have prayed and continue to pray for Chris to draw closer to Him...and I really think that this is happening! I love him more then words can say and wanted to make sure he knew that although my heart desperately desires a child...I really do want Chris and I to grow stronger in the Lord more. That has to be our focus and everything else will fall in to place! So far God has proven that. ( Not that he has to prove anything.)
Oh I just praise God....I wish I could shot and sing his praises all day long! (And quietly in my head I do~!!!) So now come more prayers for the actual pregnancy. That this be a great pregnancy and this little one be blessed beyond measure. For he/she is Gods and I am merely the vessel to bring them into this world to learn who their Lord and Savior is.

So dearest baby O... we just found out about you yesterday and already I am overjoyed with love for you! I want you to know how much we already love you and how many people prayed for you to happen! Your dad is an amazing Dad and well as for me we will have plenty of time to bond. I am so excited for this adventure with you... I can't wait to see who and what (and maybe how many) you become! God is awesome and you are his! Grow baby grow and we will see you in due time! The best is yet to come!!!!!!

Dear God,
I really can't express the words to you. I know you know what I am going to say before I say it so hopefully you know the right ones! I give you sooooo much praise honor and glory. I thank you and ask for blessings to all those whose prayers you listened to to make this happen. You are amazing and I truly am not worthy of the Grace you show us daily! I ask and pray that you keep this Osborne family protected and safe and that this little one(s) grow to become amazing children who love you more then anything! Thank you for answered prayers on your timing! And keeping us wrapped in your love! I love you so much and love the amazing husband you have put in my life to live this journey with me. I ask that you continue to help us grow stronger in you and with each other as we begin this next journey of our lives! Thank you Lord. AMEN & AMEN

Perspective...

I am sadden by the news of a friend. Her and her husband woke up last Monday to find their 19 month old son had passed away. They don't know what from yet and haven't ruled it as SIDS but they are devasted. Since I've heard the news it has really put things in perspective. My life is not that tough. It is rough having to go through all this IVF stuff and really wanting a child but things could be worse and God could be sparing us from something happening. We talked at growth group last night of how we all really don't like the verse about God giving us nothing more than what he knows we can handle. It may be true but SOOOOO not easy. And how often we really don't want to handle any of it. So needless to say as we are in round two of all this invitro stuff I look even more strongly to God and our faith to get us through things. And I pray for Stacey and Sam who I don't even really know that through this they may find and lean on God.
As for everything else in life right now it is what it is. I love my husband....I miss my Grandma and need to visit her again soon. My sister found out they are adopting a baby boy in MAY!!! Crazy that she is going to be a mamma...and I will be and Aunt once again. That is ok with me as long as I get to be a mom soon too. (I know...what demands I have) I really am sheepishly asking God.! Life is busy between volleyball, work, and everyday life. So we continue to walk by faith and believing in him.
God,
I love you. Thank you. I worship and adore you. You know what I want and what i need and what we can handle. I ask and pray that you continue to give me that faith and belief but most of all the Confidence in what I believe you can do and whatever the outcome...help me understand it is greater then anything I could imagine. Thank you thank you thank you.

April....already!

Well not much to say besides I can't believe how time flies. We are already in April! I didn't write last week because it was Spring Break and I choose to not sit at a computer very long if I'm not forced to. So anyways it was Spring break and Chris and I had a great week off! We planted a garden, did house work, small projects around the house...somewhat got back into working out...and spent 3 different days with family celebrating Easter.
And the most important thing is we started the shots for the next round of IVF. I really want to have the right attitude about the whole process but especially with God. I don't want to expect to little or too much. I am trying to give it to God. I did start and will continue to do acupuncture and while I hope that any & all of the meds will help with the process I know God will ultimately be the "de-stress" and "relax" that I need! So I know these journals are supposed to be where I write what is going on in life and where I am at. I feel like I do that and currently all I am focused on is having a child and what it is going to take to get us there. And really that is where we are at in life right now. I hope to look back one day and realize where we were at at this time in our lives and how far we came (with child!) Spring time... I sit and stare at a window and wish I could move my office outside. What a beautiful time of year....and what a wonderful time it would be to have God bless us with a child.
Lord,
I give you all the praise and worship for such beautiful days! I continue to ask for you to bless Chris and I with a child. You know are hearts desires and if there be anything blocking that or any sin getting in the way of that I ask that you remove it from us and our thought be pleasing to you. Lord I know you know that this is my greatest Joy that I look forward to and I give you all the glory and nothing else. I know that even though we are taking all these pills...doing all these shots...and all this medicine the Glory will be all yours when you give us a child (or two???? :) Just thought I would ask :-) I love you...and as for the list of people to pray for it is a long list as always and so I will mention a few...Our growth group...that we may continue to grow our relationships...Scott Guilfoil and Jamie and her family Lord bless her for every morning she talks to you about us and I want to continually keep them in our prayers too! I pray for Bee that you continue to keep her strong...and your will be perfect for her and where she's at. I pray for Dan and Carrie that everything works out for them with this adoption and anything standing in the way. Make sure I have a positive attitude towards them and love unconditionally. It is hard but not as hard as giving my only son for the whole worlds sins! I love you. For everyone else I am not thinking of you know who they are and I just pray that you draw them to you. Cause without you I don't know where I would be...little scary. Love you & praise you!

Halberts

Last week I forgot and wanted to mention a VERY special birthday. On St. Patty's Day is when my Grandma Bee (Halbert) was born. She celebrated a birthday and while I couldn't visit her I always think about her. She has been so very important in my life. She is the reason I have a strong faith (along with Mom) and the person I aspire to be. And how I wish Chris could've met her Husband, Jim...for although I only knew him when I was young he was quite the Man of God. Their relationship is a guide and example of how God wanted Marriages to be.I love her and someday she will go to Glory and I can only hope that as I live my life that I can aspire to build up my treasures in heaven and be in the same realm that the Halberts are in!
This week my Husband started a men's bible study and I pray that he truly grows and desires to know and seek God more as he is the Head of the household. He is the man that I am so in love with and love our relationship. I want more then anything for him to get the baptism of the Holy Ghost and be the leader in our home. I want him to have that close relationship with God so that we both move towards that triangle together.
I continue to find out about more pregnancies but like I've said before some days it's all easy to take then others. So far this time I around I find myself a little more relaxed. I pray that God continues to give us both peace about the process and through the process! I know others that are going through this same thing and I pray there's is successful...cause they don't know Christ and don't know how to turn to him when in need.
So Lord,
I pray this week that as any opportunities arise that you help Chris and I be able to share or bring light into peoples lives. I pray that you work on Chris and draw him closer to you in every aspect. I pray for Erich and his wife going through the same IVF stuff that when I tell them I will pray for them that they don't take it lightly. I pray for Michael Cara and little Landon that you give me the right opportunity to invite them to Easter and break down their walls a little and let them hear you speaking through me. I love you and praise you for all the blessings you bring and do! I pray that you continue to ready Chris and I for whatever you have in store for us in the next couple of months. I pray the embryos unfreeze properly and that you will be done and you bring peace into every appointment. I love you and praise you and am excited that you have it all under control and already planned...it's HISTORY! In your Name I pray.

Not my will...but Yours!

Today I don't have much...just that I love the Lord with all my heart. Just when you think things are done and over he surprises us! So I started a period...which in any other month is not usually a good thing but for us and this whole IVF process it's a great thing! I thought I wouldn't have one this March and kinda moved on and thought God's timing...well when I least expected it I got it! So now we begin this crazy process again! I pray so much that this time it will work. That God will take these two embryos and do miracles with them. I just need to RELAX!!! (sooo much easier said then done.) I actually had to chuckle today because in my normal chaos of a life I was spewing out all my crazy time lines...things I had to get done... places I had to be....and money issues to my husband and he looked at me and said "you have 1 month to get relaxed" cause in 1 month we start all the shots and hormone stuff and the doctors want me as "relaxed" as possible. huh.... too funny my husband calling me and and telling me to Chill. I think God is also telling me those things...sometimes it's with a slap on the head though.
Anyways life is crazy busy as always and I really pray that I will slow down and listen to God and give him these crazy worries of mine daily!!!! This weekend will be my fourth weekend in a row of baby showers or babies being born! So God is amazing and gives me the strength.
Lord, You are amazing how your grace is enough. I pray that you take away what I consider my daily stress and give me PEACE! I love you so much. I have so many people on my mind to pray for. So i will do my best to name them all knowing what you know their needs are: Bee, Mom & Pop, Scott Guilfoil, our Entire growth group cause you know we all have needs, Dave & Jackie, Scott and Jen, Melissa & Erick, Cara, Michael and baby Landon Lord...bring them to you along with Kenny and Robin! There are so many others Lord but you know. BUT GOD...i love you and I know the best is yet to come!

Hannah's Hope

I am reading a book that has been a major encouragement. It is called "Hannah's Hope" The book has helped put things in perspective...state exactly how I am feeling a lot of the times...and give biblical and scripture encouragement. All I can say is I am praying hard for my Samuel. In the most recent chapter of the book it was talking about two hearts become one and how the whole situation with infertility can affect a marriage. Some of the questions I thought it is always a good reminder....
1. What attracted you most to your husband in the beginning?
I would say his gentle manner. You see must husband is a Cop. but quite honestly not a typical cop. Most who know or meet him outside of work would probably tell you they would never guess a police officer as his line of work. I loved that about him. He has a very gentle and loving heart....and for that I fell in love! So many other things too including that handsome face and I the first time I met him he was in a uniform!!! woo hoo.. can't knock that!!! :-)
2. Why did you marry?
Because he asked? hahahah...no really because we had discussed the important things that matter to each of us and were equally yoked. I knew this was a man that did want to be the head of the house and care for his wife and family. He loves me with an unconditional love and though there are rough and bumpy patches in every marriage we saw eye to eye on that. I say it often but through all of this Chris has been my rock. I think with so many marriages they lack the faith and communication part. And though we have a long way to go I feel like we do a great job of encouraging and talking to one another.
3. What do you admire most about your partner?
I said it in the first question...it is part of why I fell in love with him. He is a easy-going gentle man of God. Now the easy-going part can sometimes produce frustration but that is where the communication and for me the talking to God comes in. He is exactly what God knew I needed and what I always prayed for. I might not have known my perfect man but God knew. Chris is an amazing husband who wants nothing else than to support me and love me second to God!
4. What joint activities bring you the most pleasure?
Now this is a tricky one....I know there are things that he does with and for me that he probably wouldn't normally do. And on the flip side I know there are things (like going "crawling...or working in the yard with him) that I know he loves to do with me. But ultimately I don't know if there are specific activities..besides doing whatever with each other. I tend to be more of the social butterfly that wants to be out and about with friends...he does a great job of letting that happen...but once in awhile he puts the foot down and says he needs alone time. He is a great balance to myself... and does a wonderful job of graciously telling me to relax.
So that is just one little thing from this awesome book...
I am really trying to have a positive and trusting attitude towards everything going on right now. I once again have been faced with not my timing but God's timing. Wow, how many things we have to learn and go through...huh? I haven't started for this month yet...which means we can't go in and start the next round of IVF until I start. Soooo we wait....and pray and trust in God. How true and real this always is. I thought for sure we could start this month and do another go round in April...but God....and HIS timing decided otherwise I guess. Oh me and my little brain and what I try to not have...little faith.
Dear Lord,
Today is a new day. Please let me not worry about tomorrow for it is already written. Help me give you my fears, worries, and doubts. I know you know my heart...where it is at...and what I am feeling. I start to stress and get worried over the IVF timeline and the child timeline and I forget that you have it all under control. I give you all my praise and worship. Take my worries from me....help me to whole heartily give them to you. Lord I pray for our growth group and all our friends...I am not the only one who is going through struggles. Help each an every one draw closer to you through all they are going through. And I pray for Chris Lord...baptize him in the Holy Ghost... and continue to guide him to be the head of our house. I know he doesn't think he is strong in the word but please guide him and speak to him to help him with all that. Lord I know I have a lot of "requests" but I have to make sure I ask right? Ask and it shall be given... So Lord I want to ask for a child....and not just any child but the exact one (or ones) you have already prepared for us. Please. I love you...I praise you...and ask all of this in your Holy name....Lo

Why?...Why why why?

So I guess the title explains it. Today I am stomping my feet and throwing a temper tantrum! Why?...because last night we found out that another one in our growth group is pregnant. Seriously...6 in 6 months plus a few other acquaintances...???? How much can one person/couple take????? While I thought that a month was enough time for me to be "OK" I totally lost it. Don't get me wrong we are very excited for this family. However I just don't get it. They weren't trying at all and of course I would give anything for a child..!!!
But God. I say it....I know it....I believe it... but I still ask WHY? I realize it is a question I probably won't get answered but since this is the place to let it all out I thought I would through it out there. I really can't wait for the day, whether it be on earth or in heaven, where I look back and get to see God's timing of it all. That's it...that's all for today... Gotta love hormonal outbursts!
God...I love you...believe in you and all you have in store. Please give me peace....I give you all that I have.