Last week I forgot and wanted to mention a VERY special birthday. On St. Patty's Day is when my Grandma Bee (Halbert) was born. She celebrated a birthday and while I couldn't visit her I always think about her. She has been so very important in my life. She is the reason I have a strong faith (along with Mom) and the person I aspire to be. And how I wish Chris could've met her Husband, Jim...for although I only knew him when I was young he was quite the Man of God. Their relationship is a guide and example of how God wanted Marriages to be.I love her and someday she will go to Glory and I can only hope that as I live my life that I can aspire to build up my treasures in heaven and be in the same realm that the Halberts are in!
This week my Husband started a men's bible study and I pray that he truly grows and desires to know and seek God more as he is the Head of the household. He is the man that I am so in love with and love our relationship. I want more then anything for him to get the baptism of the Holy Ghost and be the leader in our home. I want him to have that close relationship with God so that we both move towards that triangle together.
I continue to find out about more pregnancies but like I've said before some days it's all easy to take then others. So far this time I around I find myself a little more relaxed. I pray that God continues to give us both peace about the process and through the process! I know others that are going through this same thing and I pray there's is successful...cause they don't know Christ and don't know how to turn to him when in need.
So Lord,
I pray this week that as any opportunities arise that you help Chris and I be able to share or bring light into peoples lives. I pray that you work on Chris and draw him closer to you in every aspect. I pray for Erich and his wife going through the same IVF stuff that when I tell them I will pray for them that they don't take it lightly. I pray for Michael Cara and little Landon that you give me the right opportunity to invite them to Easter and break down their walls a little and let them hear you speaking through me. I love you and praise you for all the blessings you bring and do! I pray that you continue to ready Chris and I for whatever you have in store for us in the next couple of months. I pray the embryos unfreeze properly and that you will be done and you bring peace into every appointment. I love you and praise you and am excited that you have it all under control and already planned...it's HISTORY! In your Name I pray.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Not my will...but Yours!
Today I don't have much...just that I love the Lord with all my heart. Just when you think things are done and over he surprises us! So I started a period...which in any other month is not usually a good thing but for us and this whole IVF process it's a great thing! I thought I wouldn't have one this March and kinda moved on and thought God's timing...well when I least expected it I got it! So now we begin this crazy process again! I pray so much that this time it will work. That God will take these two embryos and do miracles with them. I just need to RELAX!!! (sooo much easier said then done.) I actually had to chuckle today because in my normal chaos of a life I was spewing out all my crazy time lines...things I had to get done... places I had to be....and money issues to my husband and he looked at me and said "you have 1 month to get relaxed" cause in 1 month we start all the shots and hormone stuff and the doctors want me as "relaxed" as possible. huh.... too funny my husband calling me and and telling me to Chill. I think God is also telling me those things...sometimes it's with a slap on the head though.
Anyways life is crazy busy as always and I really pray that I will slow down and listen to God and give him these crazy worries of mine daily!!!! This weekend will be my fourth weekend in a row of baby showers or babies being born! So God is amazing and gives me the strength.
Lord, You are amazing how your grace is enough. I pray that you take away what I consider my daily stress and give me PEACE! I love you so much. I have so many people on my mind to pray for. So i will do my best to name them all knowing what you know their needs are: Bee, Mom & Pop, Scott Guilfoil, our Entire growth group cause you know we all have needs, Dave & Jackie, Scott and Jen, Melissa & Erick, Cara, Michael and baby Landon Lord...bring them to you along with Kenny and Robin! There are so many others Lord but you know. BUT GOD...i love you and I know the best is yet to come!
Anyways life is crazy busy as always and I really pray that I will slow down and listen to God and give him these crazy worries of mine daily!!!! This weekend will be my fourth weekend in a row of baby showers or babies being born! So God is amazing and gives me the strength.
Lord, You are amazing how your grace is enough. I pray that you take away what I consider my daily stress and give me PEACE! I love you so much. I have so many people on my mind to pray for. So i will do my best to name them all knowing what you know their needs are: Bee, Mom & Pop, Scott Guilfoil, our Entire growth group cause you know we all have needs, Dave & Jackie, Scott and Jen, Melissa & Erick, Cara, Michael and baby Landon Lord...bring them to you along with Kenny and Robin! There are so many others Lord but you know. BUT GOD...i love you and I know the best is yet to come!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Hannah's Hope
I am reading a book that has been a major encouragement. It is called "Hannah's Hope" The book has helped put things in perspective...state exactly how I am feeling a lot of the times...and give biblical and scripture encouragement. All I can say is I am praying hard for my Samuel. In the most recent chapter of the book it was talking about two hearts become one and how the whole situation with infertility can affect a marriage. Some of the questions I thought it is always a good reminder....
1. What attracted you most to your husband in the beginning?
I would say his gentle manner. You see must husband is a Cop. but quite honestly not a typical cop. Most who know or meet him outside of work would probably tell you they would never guess a police officer as his line of work. I loved that about him. He has a very gentle and loving heart....and for that I fell in love! So many other things too including that handsome face and I the first time I met him he was in a uniform!!! woo hoo.. can't knock that!!! :-)
2. Why did you marry?
Because he asked? hahahah...no really because we had discussed the important things that matter to each of us and were equally yoked. I knew this was a man that did want to be the head of the house and care for his wife and family. He loves me with an unconditional love and though there are rough and bumpy patches in every marriage we saw eye to eye on that. I say it often but through all of this Chris has been my rock. I think with so many marriages they lack the faith and communication part. And though we have a long way to go I feel like we do a great job of encouraging and talking to one another.
3. What do you admire most about your partner?
I said it in the first question...it is part of why I fell in love with him. He is a easy-going gentle man of God. Now the easy-going part can sometimes produce frustration but that is where the communication and for me the talking to God comes in. He is exactly what God knew I needed and what I always prayed for. I might not have known my perfect man but God knew. Chris is an amazing husband who wants nothing else than to support me and love me second to God!
4. What joint activities bring you the most pleasure?
Now this is a tricky one....I know there are things that he does with and for me that he probably wouldn't normally do. And on the flip side I know there are things (like going "crawling...or working in the yard with him) that I know he loves to do with me. But ultimately I don't know if there are specific activities..besides doing whatever with each other. I tend to be more of the social butterfly that wants to be out and about with friends...he does a great job of letting that happen...but once in awhile he puts the foot down and says he needs alone time. He is a great balance to myself... and does a wonderful job of graciously telling me to relax.
So that is just one little thing from this awesome book...
I am really trying to have a positive and trusting attitude towards everything going on right now. I once again have been faced with not my timing but God's timing. Wow, how many things we have to learn and go through...huh? I haven't started for this month yet...which means we can't go in and start the next round of IVF until I start. Soooo we wait....and pray and trust in God. How true and real this always is. I thought for sure we could start this month and do another go round in April...but God....and HIS timing decided otherwise I guess. Oh me and my little brain and what I try to not have...little faith.
Dear Lord,
Today is a new day. Please let me not worry about tomorrow for it is already written. Help me give you my fears, worries, and doubts. I know you know my heart...where it is at...and what I am feeling. I start to stress and get worried over the IVF timeline and the child timeline and I forget that you have it all under control. I give you all my praise and worship. Take my worries from me....help me to whole heartily give them to you. Lord I pray for our growth group and all our friends...I am not the only one who is going through struggles. Help each an every one draw closer to you through all they are going through. And I pray for Chris Lord...baptize him in the Holy Ghost... and continue to guide him to be the head of our house. I know he doesn't think he is strong in the word but please guide him and speak to him to help him with all that. Lord I know I have a lot of "requests" but I have to make sure I ask right? Ask and it shall be given... So Lord I want to ask for a child....and not just any child but the exact one (or ones) you have already prepared for us. Please. I love you...I praise you...and ask all of this in your Holy name....Lo
1. What attracted you most to your husband in the beginning?
I would say his gentle manner. You see must husband is a Cop. but quite honestly not a typical cop. Most who know or meet him outside of work would probably tell you they would never guess a police officer as his line of work. I loved that about him. He has a very gentle and loving heart....and for that I fell in love! So many other things too including that handsome face and I the first time I met him he was in a uniform!!! woo hoo.. can't knock that!!! :-)
2. Why did you marry?
Because he asked? hahahah...no really because we had discussed the important things that matter to each of us and were equally yoked. I knew this was a man that did want to be the head of the house and care for his wife and family. He loves me with an unconditional love and though there are rough and bumpy patches in every marriage we saw eye to eye on that. I say it often but through all of this Chris has been my rock. I think with so many marriages they lack the faith and communication part. And though we have a long way to go I feel like we do a great job of encouraging and talking to one another.
3. What do you admire most about your partner?
I said it in the first question...it is part of why I fell in love with him. He is a easy-going gentle man of God. Now the easy-going part can sometimes produce frustration but that is where the communication and for me the talking to God comes in. He is exactly what God knew I needed and what I always prayed for. I might not have known my perfect man but God knew. Chris is an amazing husband who wants nothing else than to support me and love me second to God!
4. What joint activities bring you the most pleasure?
Now this is a tricky one....I know there are things that he does with and for me that he probably wouldn't normally do. And on the flip side I know there are things (like going "crawling...or working in the yard with him) that I know he loves to do with me. But ultimately I don't know if there are specific activities..besides doing whatever with each other. I tend to be more of the social butterfly that wants to be out and about with friends...he does a great job of letting that happen...but once in awhile he puts the foot down and says he needs alone time. He is a great balance to myself... and does a wonderful job of graciously telling me to relax.
So that is just one little thing from this awesome book...
I am really trying to have a positive and trusting attitude towards everything going on right now. I once again have been faced with not my timing but God's timing. Wow, how many things we have to learn and go through...huh? I haven't started for this month yet...which means we can't go in and start the next round of IVF until I start. Soooo we wait....and pray and trust in God. How true and real this always is. I thought for sure we could start this month and do another go round in April...but God....and HIS timing decided otherwise I guess. Oh me and my little brain and what I try to not have...little faith.
Dear Lord,
Today is a new day. Please let me not worry about tomorrow for it is already written. Help me give you my fears, worries, and doubts. I know you know my heart...where it is at...and what I am feeling. I start to stress and get worried over the IVF timeline and the child timeline and I forget that you have it all under control. I give you all my praise and worship. Take my worries from me....help me to whole heartily give them to you. Lord I pray for our growth group and all our friends...I am not the only one who is going through struggles. Help each an every one draw closer to you through all they are going through. And I pray for Chris Lord...baptize him in the Holy Ghost... and continue to guide him to be the head of our house. I know he doesn't think he is strong in the word but please guide him and speak to him to help him with all that. Lord I know I have a lot of "requests" but I have to make sure I ask right? Ask and it shall be given... So Lord I want to ask for a child....and not just any child but the exact one (or ones) you have already prepared for us. Please. I love you...I praise you...and ask all of this in your Holy name....Lo
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Why?...Why why why?
So I guess the title explains it. Today I am stomping my feet and throwing a temper tantrum! Why?...because last night we found out that another one in our growth group is pregnant. Seriously...6 in 6 months plus a few other acquaintances...???? How much can one person/couple take????? While I thought that a month was enough time for me to be "OK" I totally lost it. Don't get me wrong we are very excited for this family. However I just don't get it. They weren't trying at all and of course I would give anything for a child..!!!
But God. I say it....I know it....I believe it... but I still ask WHY? I realize it is a question I probably won't get answered but since this is the place to let it all out I thought I would through it out there. I really can't wait for the day, whether it be on earth or in heaven, where I look back and get to see God's timing of it all. That's it...that's all for today... Gotta love hormonal outbursts!
God...I love you...believe in you and all you have in store. Please give me peace....I give you all that I have.
But God. I say it....I know it....I believe it... but I still ask WHY? I realize it is a question I probably won't get answered but since this is the place to let it all out I thought I would through it out there. I really can't wait for the day, whether it be on earth or in heaven, where I look back and get to see God's timing of it all. That's it...that's all for today... Gotta love hormonal outbursts!
God...I love you...believe in you and all you have in store. Please give me peace....I give you all that I have.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Waiting for something?
Over the last month we have had quite a ride. The emotional highs and lows of going through infertility and all that comes with it can be quite exhausting. But I must say that I have an amazing God and an amazing husband. He truly is my rock. Well they both are...(One being quite bigger than the other!:))
So I just want to really write to say Thank you to God. This is not easy and and know someday I will look back and understand it. But he is good and has given me a peace that I hopefully can portray to others. I often think of where life will lead. Is this happening because he spared us from something? Is it because the child he decides to give us will do great things and be an amazing child of God? Is it because he is trying to show us something??? Gosh I wish I knew. I just pray that I stay alert and eyes and ears open to what God is wanting to show/teach us. I also wonder if because God is giving us a testimony (or an add on to what my life's testimony has already been) we will become leaders somewhere...speakers...teachers...the possibilities are endless and I do have excitement over it all. I am still reading about Hannah but I am inspired by the stories so far. If God wants to bring me a Samuel I will take it! And so it goes... whatver...whenever....BUT GOD.
I need to also state that as I type these hopeful thoughts and prayers it all isn't peaches and cream. I do have faith and believe it all, but I daily am having to give it to God. It is tough and the Devil likes to sneak in often. But I stand and and put that armor of God on and try to get through the days.
So it is March now... and we are about ready to start this journey of IVF once again.
Lord, I pray that as this month begins and we look to you to lead us and guide us that we be open and draw close to you. DAILY you are amazing and wonderful to us...and DAILY I need to remember that and give my cares to you. Lord I pray for your will and your timing of it all as we have done many times. Take my fear and worries and give me peace/hope/& joy. Something to keep my eyes fixed on. I do pray that you give us a child. THE child that we are supposed to have. You said ask and it shall be given. So I just don't want to forget to actually ask. I praise your Holy and Wonderful Name... I love you and continue to Walk by Faith.
So I just want to really write to say Thank you to God. This is not easy and and know someday I will look back and understand it. But he is good and has given me a peace that I hopefully can portray to others. I often think of where life will lead. Is this happening because he spared us from something? Is it because the child he decides to give us will do great things and be an amazing child of God? Is it because he is trying to show us something??? Gosh I wish I knew. I just pray that I stay alert and eyes and ears open to what God is wanting to show/teach us. I also wonder if because God is giving us a testimony (or an add on to what my life's testimony has already been) we will become leaders somewhere...speakers...teachers...the possibilities are endless and I do have excitement over it all. I am still reading about Hannah but I am inspired by the stories so far. If God wants to bring me a Samuel I will take it! And so it goes... whatver...whenever....BUT GOD.
I need to also state that as I type these hopeful thoughts and prayers it all isn't peaches and cream. I do have faith and believe it all, but I daily am having to give it to God. It is tough and the Devil likes to sneak in often. But I stand and and put that armor of God on and try to get through the days.
So it is March now... and we are about ready to start this journey of IVF once again.
Lord, I pray that as this month begins and we look to you to lead us and guide us that we be open and draw close to you. DAILY you are amazing and wonderful to us...and DAILY I need to remember that and give my cares to you. Lord I pray for your will and your timing of it all as we have done many times. Take my fear and worries and give me peace/hope/& joy. Something to keep my eyes fixed on. I do pray that you give us a child. THE child that we are supposed to have. You said ask and it shall be given. So I just don't want to forget to actually ask. I praise your Holy and Wonderful Name... I love you and continue to Walk by Faith.
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